This is how you know someone is bare minimum-ing you
You may want to take these signs seriously
I’m sceptical of those who say “I’m so so busy with work” that they couldn’t text you back.
It’s a different story when you’re married with two kids. Life can get crazy sometimes. I barely saw my dad growing up because of how busy he was (literally) at work.
But when it’s still in the early stage of dating, it’s just hard to believe. C’mon, you don’t have 5 minutes to send a message?
It’s too shady.
I’ve tasted the big lies some men threw at me in the past. They did the bare minimum yet I was in denial that they were just “busy”.
If you’ve seen someone pull this thing on you, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship:
Inconsistency in communication = lack of interest
I dated a guy who took hours to reply to my text. When I brought it up, his excuse was “I fell asleep sorry” or that basic “my phone was on mute”.
He also liked to make plans but never followed through. Something always came up at the last minute so we had to cancel and reschedule. In the end, I followed his schedule all the time.
Inconsistency is a serious red flag. It’s a clear sign someone’s doing the bare minimum.
You may think this behaviour is temporary and they’ll be back to how they used to treat you in the beginning, but I can 100% assure you nothing will change.
Everyone who’s in a relationship knows that in order to make it last longer, you need to put in the work. One of them is by communicating regularly — no matter how busy you are.
It’s non-negotiable. Otherwise, why are you even in a relationship if you don’t want to talk?
Small things matter but not for them
It’s fair to say someone who does the bare minimum doesn’t care that much about your feelings.
They don’t ask how’s your day. They don’t compliment you. They aren’t interested in having a deep conversation with you. However when you confront them, they might still say “I love you too”.
But actions speak louder than words and that’s what we need to focus on.
When someone truly cares about you, they know the little details about you. Not everything of course, but just asking how are you feeling can mean a lot.
Being in a relationship isn’t just about the warm cuddle, great sex, and someone to adopt a dog with. It’s also about connecting to each other on a deeper level.
And how do you expect to connect with them if they never give you compliments and always ignore your feelings?
The double standards
The wrong relationships are usually the ones that have double standards in them. For example, a guy might tell his girlfriend to not have male friends but he can have female friends.
Or the classic example like many of my married friends in the village do: they get angry when their partner watches porn yet they refuse to have sex with them.
It can also be something like this: he demands you to give him attention yet when you have a bad day, he won’t even listen.
It’s a selfish thing to do.
I know no one can be a 100% perfect partner but it shows when you truly don’t try your best in nourishing the relationship.
And for the people who are on the receiving end, letting your partner set the double standard can hurt your self-worth in the long run. You’ll feel everything should be done based on your partner’s approval.
Why you’ve got no other option but to walk away
This isn’t encouraging you to pack your bag tomorrow and leave. But rather to help you understand how little control you have to change the situation.
In fact, you don’t need to change anything in the relationship because it’s not on you.
When someone is doing the bare minimum, they usually want to see if you can take it. They change the dynamic in the relationship on their terms and not yours.
I’ve wasted months trying to figure out why my ex didn’t try to contact me more often. I was stressing out about my relationship all the freaking time. It wasn’t worth it.
Walking away from someone that once treated us like a queen is hard. But staying with them is more painful.
Doing the bare minimum in a relationship isn’t just a red flag but also a sign of incompatibility. It’s hard to admit when you’re still madly in love with your partner but remember that you also need to take care of yourself.
You can’t keep taking care of someone and fighting for the relationship to survive when your cup is empty.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Life isn’t over just because your relationship is.
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