The only relationship books you ever need to read
And I still come back to them every time I feel stuck
Some dating and relationship books are just plain boring.
They have interesting titles and promise you a lot but once you start reading, it sounds just like any other book. Same advice, same takeaways, same promise.
I pick up lots of dating & relationship books but I’ve to admit that I don’t always finish reading them.
Love life in general is complex.
No one has the “best” recipes to make a relationship work. I’d also like to believe that every relationship is unique and has its own dynamic.
Therefore when it comes to the books, you might need something that’s more…let’s just say, thought-provoking.
You need a book that challenges your beliefs and maybe questions what love truly means to you.
I care more about books that have strong questions and force me to be honest with my answers.
Yes, you need a pep talk once in a while to convince you that you deserve someone who loves you enough.
But those affirmations don’t necessarily help you grow.
With that being said, these are the books on love & relationships that I highly suggest everyone read — at least once in a while:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love
“Attached” is the first relationship book I’ve ever read and to this day, I still come back to it once a year.
It’s hard to love somebody when you don’t understand yourself that much. There’s a strong reason why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable people.
For years I thought it was nothing but a coincidence but after reading the book, I knew it had something to do with my childhood trauma and how it shaped my beliefs about relationships.
This book is so powerful. It talks about the three main attachment styles that we all have. It also includes some exercises that you can do daily.
Many people will agree that this book has very unique perspectives.
It mostly helps you become more self-aware about your own behaviour in dating.
Most times, we blame it on external factors when things don’t work out, but how often do you do self-reflection?
Learning how attachment styles work can magically change the course of your love life.
The result isn’t overnight but you’ll notice small differences inside you that eventually lead you to make the right decisions in your love life.
Nonviolent Communication
I wish I read “Nonviolent Communication” earlier.
Trying to convey your message in a kind and respectful way can be hard sometimes. It’s either we’re too subtle or too harsh.
“Nonviolent Communication” helps me find my middle ground.
While this book can be applicable to any relationship, I found it useful for anyone who wants to maintain a healthy dating lifestyle.
Many couples break up because they don’t know how to communicate their needs. That was my case for a long time.
Ever felt like walking away whenever things get hard? Or too complicated? too overwhelming?
It’s one of the signs that you may want to relearn on how to handle conflict in your relationship.
“Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting.”― Marshall B. Rosenberg
The truth is, that most problems in a romantic relationship revolve around the lack of communication.
It’s easy to blame your partner and call it quits, but when will it ever stop?
Even if you’re not so interested in improving your communication skills, reading this book will still give you new perspectives on the words that we use in day-to-day conversation.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
I’m writing this book in order to make it easier for you to get started.
The last one on the list is this book by John Gottman.
Many relationship writers call his book the bible. I don’t disagree though.
I’ve read most of his books and they’re practical and very applicable for all types of relationships.
It’s also important to note that just because the title says it’s for a marriage, it’s not really true. I’ve implemented some tips from the book when I was still dating and it worked.
What makes this book so interesting is that John Gottman and his team have done much research regarding the topic.
“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s “crazy” side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.”― John M. Gottman
There were real couples who were willing to be studied and observed in the lab over a long period of time.
It makes the overall conclusion more authentic and convincing.
If you like this book and want to check out Gottman’s next masterpiece, I highly recommend reading the “Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.”
Those books can be a real life changer if you have the patience to learn and implement them in your own relationships.
Sometimes we all like to think that we already know everything and that the other person should do the work, not us.
But if there’s a similarity between all the 3 books I mentioned above, it’s this one thing that we should only focus on working on ourselves.
Because we can only love someone better when we know and love ourselves in the best way possible.
“Feeling close and complete with someone else — the emotional equivalent of finding a home”― Amir Levine, Attached