The ONE behavior that ruins good relationships

It's more dangerous than cheating

I met an old friend last week and our catch-up has changed my entire perspective about relationships.

Sometimes people think it’s cheating that ruins a relationship. Or maybe that mother-in-law that doesn’t seem to like you no matter what you’ve done.

We think it’s always the external factor and usually, it takes one big mistake to ruin it all.

But what if it’s the small things that add up? The friend that I met told me how broken his parent’s marriage is. They haven’t gotten along for more than 10 years.

Imagine living under the same roof with someone you hate and barely talk to for a decade. It’s painful just to listen to the story.

I got to sit down and spend time with his mother though. From her side, it’s the husband’s fault that all of a sudden “changed”, he works all the time but they’re still financially struggling.

I genuinely think their marriage is over years ago but sadly, some people just don’t believe in divorce, therefore being stuck with each other is the only option.

Even from an outsider’s perspective, there’s just too much resentment going on. Too many expectations aren’t communicated. And too little effort from both parties to make things better.

That’s what resentment does to relationships. You won’t see it until it gets too big and eventually, everything falls apart.

I’ve seen again and again, how resenting your partner silently for years can bring damage to your relationship - just as much to your own mental health.

It doesn’t do you any good even if you believe you’re the better person in your relationship. The resentment cycle usually will go like this:

You’re angry about something but don’t want to tell your partner >> Your partner has no idea and he might do it again >> You bring your bad mood to the table and make it obvious >> Your partner gets offended >> It escalates to other things and fights keep happening

In my friend’s parent’s case, it ends up the father got tired of his wife’s complaints. So now, he spends even longer hours outside and only goes home to change clothes and sleep.

No one’s talking to anyone at the moment and they’re both still very much miserable. The only thing that they care about is the kids.

I’m sure this isn’t the first time you hear of a marriage like this. Couples keep making the same mistake because they underestimate how important communication is in a romantic relationship.

When communicate what you’re upset about to your partner, it prevents you from making false assumptions in your head. The problem will stop there as you already let it all out and there’s no reason for you to hate your partner secretly.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Some days expressing my feelings to my partner can be challenging and very difficult.

But hey, this is you trying.

It’s still better than nothing at all and expect the other person to change for you.

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